With 136 million followers across platforms and 60 billion views, Dhar Mann has built a massive audience creating scripted videos that focus on life lessons. But it’s his own personal experiences that have taught him the most.

At one point, after facing a series of failures, a friend advised him to change his name to escape his past mistakes. Instead, he did the opposite: he built his entire brand around it. Today, he tells this story with a laugh, but there was a time when changing his identity was at least a little bit tempting. 

Coming from an immigrant family, and as the only Indian in his school (aside from his brother), Mann found it nearly impossible to fit in. Socializing was so difficult that he often ate his lunch alone in the bathroom to avoid looking lonely. Caught between two cultures, and feeling like he belonged to neither world, he was completely lost.

“I’m too Indian to fit in with the Americans. I’m too American to fit in with the Indians. What path do I choose?” The answer, he learned, was to let go of the idea of a predetermined path altogether. Instead of forcing himself into one identity, he realized he could embrace both sides of who he was.

“I don’t really need to fit in any box,” he says. “I can freely accept myself for how I am. And if I change, that’s okay too.”

Part of paving his own path was recognizing where he needed to take responsibility. At age 30, Mann hit rock bottom—newly single, broke, dealing with family problems, and suffering from depression. He felt like his life was over, and for a long time, he thought it was everyone else’s fault.

“Throughout my life, I always blamed the reason for my failure on something that had nothing to do with me,” he says. Instead of considering his own role in his shortcomings, Mann blamed external sources, like the economy, his business partner, or other factors beyond his control. Eventually, he recognized one common thread through all of his failures: himself. 

“I am the common denominator,” he says. “I am the reason for all of this failure happening. And if I don’t see myself as the problem, I will never see myself as a solution.” That realization changed everything. He committed to holding himself accountable and found that with this responsibility came an unexpected sense of empowerment.

For Dhar Mann, productivity and success were greatly intertwined. “I’m extreme,” he admits. “I actually have an Excel spreadsheet where I have every single one of my goals.”

For years, he would use the spreadsheet to evaluate his weekly business performance, rating himself on a scale from one to ten. The higher the score, the more successful—and ultimately, the happier—he felt. But that changed, practically overnight. 

In December of 2020, Mann’s 2-year-old daughter was rushed to the emergency room with a dangerously high fever. Because of COVID regulations, he couldn’t enter the hospital with her—he could only wait, helpless, for news.

In that moment of fear, all he could think about were the times she had asked him to play, and he had responded, “Daddy’s working right now, I’ll play with you later.”

“I never thought about the idea that later may not come,” he says.

Thankfully, she recovered, but Mann’s perspective was altered forever. Success wasn’t just about productivity, views, or financial milestones, it was about showing up for the people who mattered most.

“Every single morning, my kids know Dad is taking them to school… 95% on time,” he says. But it’s more than just a school drop-off. It’s about being present, about keeping his word, about making time for what truly matters.

We interviewed Dhar Mann  for Question Your Perception Box, a Big Think interview series created in partnership with Unlikely Collaborators. As a creative non-profit organization, they’re on a mission to help people challenge their perceptions and expand their thinking. Often that growth can start with just a single unlikely question that makes you rethink your convictions and adjust your vantage point. Watch Mann’s  full interview above, and visit Perception Box to see more in this series.

Words: Kaylee Frazee

DHAR MANN: What's the worst advice you got from someone you admire?

Someone came to me and said, "Dhar, I don't think you're ever gonna be able to recover from all these failures that you've had in life, and that's always gonna follow you around so I think you should change your name."

And I said, "I should change my name?"

I decided, 'cause I was seriously considering it, that not only was I not gonna change my name, that I was actually gonna build my whole company off of my name and a few years later, here we are with over 60 billion views.

So I'm glad I didn't follow that person's advice.

Have you ever felt like you were living according to someone else's values and in which way?

I spent the first half of my life feeling like I was living according to someone else's values. And I think similar to a lot of immigrants, I felt like I was torn between these two different cultures.

I was born in America and I grew up in a city where I was the only Indian kid there outside of my brother. And so when I went to high school, I felt like I did not fit in. I would try to go from group to group trying to fit in, and most of the time I actually ended up having lunch inside of the bathroom because I was so embarrassed to be sitting by myself.

So then I thought, I have to actually follow this Indian path then, because that's where I'll find my people.

But when I would find myself going to our Indian temple or Indian get-togethers, I felt myself being constantly judged and criticized for not being Indian enough.

I'm too Indian to fit in with the Americans. I'm too American to fit in with the Indians.

What path do I choose?

And it wasn't until my late twenties that I finally realized I don't need to choose a path. I don't really need to fit in any box and you know, I can freely accept myself for how I am. And if I change, that's okay too.

So yeah, now I'm just a lot more comfortable in my own skin and I don't feel like I have to necessarily appease anyone.

Oh, this is a good one.

Where has pain served a purpose in your life?

Where do I start?

So when I turned 30 years old, I was at the darkest place in my life. I was going through a really bad public breakup. I was completely broke. I was having family problems, health problems. I was dealing with depression. I was like so anxious. I couldn't stay still. I needed to be walking all the time because I just needed to keep my body going because my mind wouldn't stay still.

I would wake up in the middle of the night with cold sweats and it was just the feeling of impending doom like your life was over.

Growing up in the culture I did, you're supposed to have life all figured out. Like, I should have been a doctor, an engineer, you know, a teacher, a lawyer.

To be on the verge of having to move back in with my parents, that was something that was gonna be so shameful.

Everyone said, see, that's what you get for not following this path or not prescribing to this mentality, the way that you're supposed to live your life.

And I started thinking, like, maybe they were right.

It was a very embarrassing place, you know, just the lowest place that I could ever be at.

Throughout my life, I always blame the reason for my failure on something that had nothing to do with me, right? So if my business didn't succeed, I blame the economy. If a partnership didn't go through, then I would blame my business partner for backstabbing me.

But when I got to being 30 years old, I couldn't help but think that throughout my life I've experienced so many failures, I am the common denominator. I am the reason for all of this failure happening and if I don't see myself as the problem, I will never see myself as a solution.

From that point forward, I said, no matter what happened to me in life, I would take personal responsibility for it because I'm accountable for everything that happens to me.

That was the most empowering feeling.

And there are times where you're gonna revert back to being that old person that you're trying to let go of 'cause that process takes time. It could take months, it could take years.

So it was a trying time, but it was the best decision that I ever made because now I feel like I have control over every outcome because I'm no longer a victim.

All right. Let's see.

In what area of your life do you trust yourself?

That's an interesting question.

I am extreme. I actually have an Excel spreadsheet where I have every single one of my goals and there's like a hundred goals on there. And on a weekly basis, I evaluate my performance and I give myself a score of one through 10.

And I think it also is something that changes over time. Like for me in high school, success would be finding someone to have lunch with and then in my twenties, then success became all about financial success.

Yeah, so to me, productivity is directly correlated with my happiness and my success. So that's why I obsess about it.

What was a time when you were really down when something didn't go your way and you found something to be grateful about anyway?

So there was one particular moment, and that happened during COVID. It was around Christmas 2020 and my whole family got hit hard.

My eldest daughter, she's two years old, she had high fever, she was sweating and then her eyes started rolling back in her head and, like, my heart dropped.

So I called 911.

Right away, they were like, "She has to go in right now."

As soon as we get there, because it was COVID, I couldn't go into the hospital.

You know, everything is just becoming like more and more elevated. The anxiety's just building more and more. My heart's pumping. I had no idea what was happening.

So I am now thinking worst case scenario in my head.

And the only thing that went through my mind in those moments were all those times that my daughter Ella wanted to play with me or wanted my attention and I would say, "Hey sweetheart, like daddy's working right now. I'll play with you later."

I never thought about the idea that later may not come.

So I'm like, you know, a total wreck.

I get a call, thankfully Ella's gonna be okay.

And all I could think about in this darkest moment of time was this happened to be the biggest blessing because going forward my life will never be the same.

So I've been able to use that experience to continuously remind me as to what my real values are in life.

It's always, I need to write one more script, I need to do one more report, I need to get one more video done but sometimes I have to, you know, remind myself that, hey, you know what? It's okay if I miss that one thing.

So my definition of success changed overnight.

Every single morning, my kids, they know dad is taking them to school. 95% on time. And they can count on me to always be there to show up when I say I'm gonna show up.

So success is a little bit more about showing up for the people that I love and trying to become better every single day.

It's a lot different than where I was earlier in my life.