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Self-Management
One of the emotional intelligence competencies or abilities that I think needs to be stronger in people generally today is emotional self-management. That is, when you’re upset, when you’re angry, when you’re anxious, can you manage your emotions? You know, we’re having more instances of road rage, of shootings, of people blowing up at other people. And I feel that there’s a growing need for people in general to get better at this ability.
One of the common signs of poor self-management emotionally in a leader is blowing up at people. When they’re angry, they yell at them. They call them names. They humiliate them in front of other people. All of that actually is shooting themselves in the foot because every leader depends on the people they lead to get very good results, to be at their best. But research shows that after an episode where a leader blew up at an employee, that employee will say, “You know, after that, I didn’t want to have anything to do with that leader.” It alienates people. And so that’s one of the vivid signs of low emotional intelligence in a leader.
Mastering the 4 Components
Self-management in my model has four different components. One of them is handling upsetting emotions so they don’t get in the way of what you have to do right now. Another aspect of emotional self-management is marshaling positive emotions, seeing the bright side of things, not just the glass is half empty, but feeling pretty good about what’s happening no matter what happens. And that lets you also be agile, another aspect. Adjust to changing situations. You want to have a growth mindset, see yourself as able to improve and other people as able to improve. And finally, you want to keep your eye on the goal that matters despite the distractions of the day. So goal focus is an emotional self-management tool, too.