This content is locked. Please login or become a member.
7. Your perspective is just one perspective.
It’s important to keep in mind that your perspective is just one perspective. One of the realities of difficult conversations and challenging relationships is that there’s not one truth. Everyone sees the situation slightly differently. One of the ways to challenge yourself to make sure that you’re not stuck in your own perspective is to ask, “What assumptions have I made about my colleague? What if I’m wrong? What if I’m wrong about how I’ve interpreted things?” Or, “What would be another explanation?” Or, “If I were new to the situation, how would I see it?” And that will ideally open up your mind to see different interpretations and ideally understand your colleague’s perspective a little bit better.
8. Rely on empathy to see things differently.
Related to the principle about your perspective being just one perspective is this other principle that you want to rely on your empathy to see things differently. You’ve probably heard the advice of, “Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.” Research shows we actually are notoriously bad at that. But if you can encourage some empathy for the other person, think about what pressures they might be under, what stress they might be experiencing, think about how they might perceive the situation. You are going to feel more connected to them.
9. Be — and stay — curious.
One principle that’s true in life, and certainly at work, is to be and stay curious. Certainty is the enemy of change. If we feel 100% convinced that we are seeing the situation clearly and that the other person is wrong or we’re convinced that this cannot shift, then guess what? It won’t. We need to use our curiosity to ask ourselves questions, open-ended questions. “What do we stand to learn here? What can I gain from that situation to give that situation space and the ability to transform? What’s going on for me? Why am I reacting the way I am? What are they doing? What could be a rational explanation for their behavior? What might work? Why didn’t that work?” All of these open-ended questions are going to set you up to have a much more successful interaction and to feel more positive about it when it’s over.