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Starts With A Bang

Weekend Diversion: The Horrible Conditions of S’more Factory Farms

After seeing these pictures, you’ll switch to raising your own.

“People speak sometimes about the “bestial” cruelty of man, but that is terribly unjust and offensive to beasts, no animal could ever be so cruel as a man, so artfully, so artistically cruel.” –Fyodor Dostoyevsky

There’s something elegant and romantic about the natural world, and humanity carving out a niche for ourselves in harmony with all that surrounds us. Have a listen to the sweet sounds of Ben Harper, as he sings his amazing song, Welcome to the Cruel World.

But in these modern times, we’ve sacrificed this type of sustainability of only taking what we need for sheer magnitude of production, food ethics for fast access, and in many cases, quality for convenience. And nowhere is this more evident than in the cruel conditions under which S’mores are factory farmed for your disgusting, gluttonous pleasure.

Image credit: © 2014 Cityurb Infotainment Private Limited, via

Sure, you probably have an image in your head — as summer approaches — of this classic treat created lovingly over a campfire. Children and adults alike pick out long, strong sticks from the forest floor, pull out marshmallows gathered from their natural environment, and roast them. Turn them ever so slowly, just right (without setting them on fire like a deliberately carcinogenic spaz), and you’re all set for caramelized perfection.

Image credit: Chelsea Hoffman of

The glorious result is a golden brown marshmallow, toasted on the outside, with a gooey, liquid sugar inside. Place them between two graham crackers with chocolate on one (or both) sides, and you’ve got yourself a S’more.

Image credit: Bakerlady Tonya, via

Or so you’ve been led to believe. You’re deluding yourself if you think this is how S’mores are raised. What I’m about to show you may be shocking to some of you, so if you’re offended by graphic images or footage that displays humanity’s cruelty towards S’mores, I encourage you to look away.

Because these conditions are truly appalling.

Image credit: S’more to love S’more maker on

This is how S’mores are raised! Look at these tiny, tiny cages they’re put in. There isn’t even room for one to turn around, much less stretch out.

Even worse, the chocolate will melt all over everything, and the marshmallow won’t even get a toasty outside living in these conditions! Not only is this cruel, but thanks to your unquenchable desire for fast, convenient access to these delectable treats, the quality of what you wind up with suffers as well.

And other examples of S’more factory farming are even more shocking.

Image credit: Sensio Bella 13578 Smores maker, via

These tasty treats are actually, literally crushed — in the style of a Panini Press or a George Foreman grill — by the Sensio Bella 13578 Smores Maker.

I mean, how can you even live with yourself knowing you were an enabler of the mistreatment of these innocent creatures?

And lest you think you’ll do one better by going to the microwave, your options are even more terrifying.

Images credit: Progressive International GMMC-68 Microwavable S’Mores Maker (L) and Micro S’mores 80–1764 with 12 Classic and 12 Holiday Recipes (R).

Is this what you signed up for? You gluttonous pigs, you really ought to be ashamed of yourselves for inflicting this kind of cruelty on the innocent, docile S’more.

All it ever wanted to do was please you, and this is how you treat it? For shame, for shame each and every one of you.

The next time you think of a S’more, think about the needless suffering, and if you must indulge, make sure you do it ethically. Once you’re aware of how severely these innocents are suffering, maybe you’ll think twice.

Hat tip to Justin Starr for sharing Kieran Healy’s brilliant find, and I hope you like it enough to leave your comments at the Starts With A Bang forum here.

Also, don’t forget to check out the best of our Comments of the Week! And if you made it this far and don’t get it, your word of the day is satire.


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