Politics & Current Affairs — March 12, 2011

Fly of Newt: Gingrich Blames Adultery on Patriotism

Beyerstein’s take on Newt Gingrich: he was really into America, but he was freaked out because she was way more sexually experienced than him.

Lindsay Beyerstein

“There’s no question that at times in my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and that things happened in my life that were not appropriate,” former House Speaker and serial adulterer Newt Gingrich told an interviewer for the Christian Broadcasting Network.

If Gingrich was consumed with ardor for our country, you’d think he would have been caught humping one of our nation’s scenic geological formations.

Update: I think I figured out how Newt’s passion for America caused affairs with women. America was like, “it’s cool baby, I’m poly. I’ve got, like, 330 million SOs.” Newt was really into America, but he was freaked out because she was way more sexually experienced than him. (Some men are like that.) The affairs with women were just Newt’s way of overcompensating.

[Photo credit: Tam Nguyen Photography, Creative Commons.]

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