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The POWER Method
So often for many of us, there are these scripts or these tapes that are going through our mind and I call them the “shoulds.” You should say yes to this ask to be on this board. You should bake cupcakes from scratch. You should do this, it’s all of these shoulds. Well, the problem with the shoulds is that they become a runaway train and before you know it you’ve said yes and overcommitted to so many things that might or might not be in alignment with your goals and how you want to live and run your life. When you feel those shoulds kicking in I’m going to suggest that you ask yourself a couple of questions. So the first one is the Purpose question. So, what is the purpose behind this should? Who really is driving it and what is the should getting at? And then the O stands for the Opportunity because sometimes a should could be shining a light on an opportunity. So you could be asked to work in a stretch assignment. This could be a real opportunity for you so you want to listen, and is there an opportunity potentially in that should that’s going through your head?
Then, the next one is to think about the Who. Who is behind this should, or who is making this ask of you? Is it your boss? Is it your manager? Or is it this old script that’s your mom in your head? Who is this should kind of being generated from? And then think about the Expectations. So what expectations are coming with this should? Is it an expectation that the star performer at work always does this or this is what a manager should do? Just really think about those expectations. Are they yours? Are they societies? Who’s are they and are they really in alignment? And then the last thing I would challenge you to think about is is it Real? Is it really true that you have to bake cupcakes from scratch? That’s not true. There are much better cupcakes that are store-bought, for most of us. So you’re questioning is it real for you and is it real in your organization. Because every time you say yes to something you’re saying no to something else. And the shoulds – we overcommit, we say yes more than you say no and so at the end something suffers, it’s either or work or our personal life.
Being Productive with “No”
Every time you say yes you’re saying no to something else. So the whole point is to get really clear around what you want to say yes to and what you want to say no to. Because every time you say yes you end up with a calendar that’s full to overflowing. Many of the things that might be in it are really not in alignment with you and who you are. No becomes a powerful tool to take back control of your time in your day and our hesitation with saying no is we think maybe we’re going to disappoint them or we’re not going to be able to move forward in our career, well that’s not true. If you say “No I can’t do this project right now because I’m working on X, can I get to it later?” You’re now having your manager as this key stakeholder helping you make some decisions and prioritize your workload.
Saying no can be challenging. And how do you say no gracefully and tactfully I think can be very hard. So I typically suggest that we make it all about the other person. “Thank you so much Jonathan for this really generous offer to support your board. Unfortunately at this time, I am not able to take your kind invitation. Thank you so much.” We make it all about you, thank you so much, but we’re also very short and sweet in our no. We don’t give them a list of reasons why. You aren’t saying “I’d love to but I’ve got this and that…” because then they might come back to you and say “Oh but it’s only going to take a few minutes, it’s only going to take a couple of days…” You want to be very short and succinct in your no and then gracefully decline. And remember that it’s not always about you. Your no is not necessarily going to ruin their day; they’ll probably go and ask someone else and be just fine.