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1. Appreciation
The word feedback is actually used to include three different kinds of feedback with very different purposes. The first is appreciation. Appreciation says I see you, I get you, you matter. And sometimes when people say, “Boy I wish I got some feedback around here,” what they mean is, “I wish somebody noticed that I work here.”
2. Coaching
The second is coaching. Coaching is aimed at helping you get better at something; it’s the real engine for learning, whether that’s learning inside your family or your friendships or your life.
3. Evaluation
The third however is evaluation. Evaluation is an assessment. It rates you or ranks you. It tells you where you stand and what you can expect. Now that’s true in your personal life just as much is it is at work. Obviously at work you get a performance review and that tells you something about your compensation or what your opportunities will be in the next year, but even in personal relationships, you know, where is this relationship going? That’s asking what can I expect from the future in this relationship.
Now, evaluation is the most emotionally loud. It’s the most threatening because it’s a judgment of some kind. And so because of that it can drown out the other two. But we do need evaluation, the question is just, can you put it in a place in your life where it’s appropriate? And then day in and day out, you need coaching and appreciation more than you need evaluation. You know, appreciation is what actually keeps us coming to work. It’s what keeps people motivated. A Department of Labor study found that 93 percent of American workers feel underappreciated at work. And of people who left their jobs, almost half cited being underappreciated as the primary reason that they left. So what’s interesting is I think appreciation is the most likely to get dropped out of the equation, but it may actually be the most important.