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How Trust Is Broken at Work
It is fascinating to think about how trust is broken in organizations in very subtle and surprising ways. I once had a client do an exercise on a trust activity, and she said that one of the ways trust is broken in organizations is through spying. And I thought, spying, what are you talking about? She goes, “You know, be my eyes and ears.” I thought, well, what a common phrase that we use. But it was the interpretation, how somebody felt when they were told to be the eyes and ears. One interpretation was, I’m a trusted source. I’m in their shoes, I’m representing them, and it could be such an honor.
Well, another interpretation was, so you want me to tattletale on everybody else in the meeting because you’re not there. And so who else is tattletaling and who do I need to be aware of watching over my shoulder with. Completely different interpretations of the exact same words. We have to be careful of the words that we say and how people might take them. So that is just one example of how we might not realize that we’re breaking trust in an organization.
Not giving credit where credit is due is another place, organizationally, where trust is often broken. And I’m not talking about taking credit for somebody else’s ideas. I’m just saying not appreciating and not acknowledging the contributions that people make. Sometimes we minimize or sometimes we just don’t even give the time to say, “great job.” Those little things go a long way to building trust.
Another way we break trust is just gossip. I mean it’s a natural thing to have conversations by the water cooler, but if you’re talking about somebody else in the organization, the question always becomes, are you then talking about me behind my back?
Micromanaging, this one is also really surprising. Managers who are really involved and think that they’re really attending and assisting and coaching and managing, who are so on top of you it feels like you are not trusting me. And I often say you need to give trust to receive trust. And when we micromanage, it gives the impression that we don’t trust our people to do the work we’ve asked them to do.
How to Restore Trust
Trust is going to get broken. It happens whether intentionally or unintentionally – trust will be broken at times within a relationship. The key is how to restore trust. And first of all, you need to believe that it’s possible and both parties need to want to restore trust and that’s not always the case. A great phrase I like to use is “Are you open to … ” to invite somebody into a conversation about rebuilding. Now, sometimes both parties are responsible for that broken trust and sometimes it’s all your fault.
So let’s take that ladder. When you know you’ve done something to break somebody’s trust, what can you do to help restore it? The first thing I’m going to tell you to do is take accountability. Own your mistakes, acknowledge what you did wrong, be specific because it’s not like, “I’m sorry,” they’re going to say “For what?” And you better know what you did because it’s understanding what you did that’s going to make somebody realize, okay, they get it. Maybe they won’t do it again.
Then talk about here’s what I’m going to do to fix it. Here’s what I’m going to do going forward. Sometimes we like to say what could I do to make it up to you? And I love the sentiment, but I want you to be aware that sometimes what you’re doing is putting the responsibility on them to figure out how to fix it. If you do all those things, then you might say, “Is there anything else I can do? Would you like me to do anything else along with those things,” so that you’re not putting the full responsibility on them to tell you, “How do I make it better,” and be patient.
So the thing is, you can do all those things, but that trust takes seconds to break and a really long time to rebuild. And consistency is what you need in the rebuilding process because just because you did it once, “okay, I’m keeping an open mind,” but it’s showing again and again and again that expectation of predictability that is going to have me believing that I can trust you again.