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Trust
One of the mindsets of a connector is that they trust. Trust is this kind of amorphous concept. I’ve actually put this out to many audiences, and one of my favorite definitions that was given back to me was that trust is the expectation of predictability. And trust is also, in my opinion, situational.
You might trust your friend to tell you if you look good in that outfit or to go to the game with you, but you might not trust them with your significant other. I trust my dog to protect me and tell me if anybody’s breaking into my house, but I do not trust them if I leave any food on the table. I like the idea that trust is hope, because when we talk about hope we’re thinking about faith, and there’s no proof to it. There’s no proof to trust. It is that leap of faith and that belief in something going to happen.
The 4 Pillars of Trust
Trust is critical to relationships, to connection, and to business, and when we think about trust, there are four pillars that enable trust to form and be maintained. Number one is authenticity. I can’t trust you if you’re not being you. We need that realness, that connection of not having a mask, of not wondering if they’re doing one thing one way and then turning around and doing something entirely different.
Vulnerability. Now, I know this is not one of those words that people like, and I didn’t either until I understood that vulnerability is not about being weak. Vulnerability is about being open. It’s about sharing our experiences and our moments – good, bad, and indifferent – to enable somebody else to learn or to grow. I’m not suggesting that you put everything out there to everyone. We do need to be selective with trust, and we need to be selective with vulnerability. But vulnerability leads to credibility, and that really is going to elevate and prop up possibility and probability of building trust.
The third pillar of trust is transparency. Here’s the thing. If you don’t give me information, I’m going to come up with a story in my head, and I’m going believe it. And then I might share it, and then they might believe it, and it’s that game of telephone. Even if you don’t have all the answers, giving the information you have, or when you even might get more information, enables people to trust that when information is there, I’ll have it. I trust you to tell me. I trust that you’re not hiding things from me. I trust that if you can’t tell me something, you’ll let me know that, too. You might not be able to tell them all the information that you have, but what you could tell them is, “Here’s what I can tell you.” “Here’s when we’ll have more information.” “Here’s what I’m doing to look out for you.” They say, “Here’s what I can say, here’s what I can’t, and here’s why,” and that why is so important when it comes to transparency and to sharing information.
And the last pillar is consistency, because at the end of the day, none of it matters if it’s not consistent. Because when we talk about the expectation of predictability, if it’s not consistent, it’s not predictable, and it actually can start to erode trust, that inconsistency, because I never know what I’m going to get.