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Persuading Others: Negotiation Techniques, with Robert Cialdini
Simply identifying commonalities or similarities with our negotiation partner, if both sides do it they get better outcomes more positive for all concerned. And there’s one particular kind of similarity that we cannot just look for but that we can create in the negotiation. And that is matching the verbal style of our negotiation partner by simply using the same kinds of phrases they use, the same kinds of idioms, the same kinds of diction and vocabulary and expressions that they use. Research shows that not only does that create more favorable and positive outcomes from the negotiation. It even works in hostage negotiations where the police who match their verbal style to the individual who’s holding hostage, some family or some individual, that produces more successful negotiation outcomes even there. And the interesting thing, once again, is people don’t even recognize that we are matching their verbal styles. They still feel a sense of connection with us, greater similarity and we get better outcomes as a consequence.
So, another practice that sometimes can be very successful inside a negotiation, or in any message actually, is when we are about to present our strongest argument, the thing we want people to really process deeply, before we do that pause so that there is a break in the cadence of your message, That will cause them to orient to the next thing you say. And that’s the place where you can put your strongest argument.
There’s yet one more tip that causes people to be especially inclined to trust us in a negotiation. And that is to do something that’s opposite of what we’re always trained to do. And that is to come in with our strongest arguments, our most favorable features of what we’re offering, the most compelling aspects of our case. Well, if that is the way we begin people aren’t ready to believe those things yet until they have come to trust us. And one small strategy we can use that creates trust is to mention a weakness or a drawback in our case. That causes people to see us not only as knowledgeable because we know not just the pluses but also the negatives, the minuses of our position, but to be honest enough to be talking about the pluses and the minuses, which causes them to listen differently to the next thing we say.
So here’s another case where you want to know where to put your strongest argument? It’s in the moment after you’ve mentioned a drawback to your case, that your strength just then overpowers. So they focused on this negative; they’ve learned that you’re honest; you present your strongest case that eliminates the negative. And now they believe that positive feature to a greater extent and you’re more likely to get ascent as a consequence.