This content is locked. Please login or become a member.
Moving Relationships Forward: Communicate Effectively Through Email, with Todd Davis, Chief People Officer, FranklinCovey and Author, Get Better
Overcommunicate
Email and all of the ways we communicate through technology, with texting and tweeting and everything else, we’re raising this whole generation, my kids included, that don’t know how to carry on a face-to-face conversation. We can fight that, and say pick up the phone and call that person, or acknowledge it and say, you know what, this is the way the world is going to communicate, so we better address that.
I coach people and caution people all the time that email, specifically, and particularly in the workplace, can be very valuable and it’s how we get things done. I had a former boss one time say in a meeting, “Hey, can we just all focus on the conversation here and not spend the day doing email and things like that.” This was an older boss that I had, and I thought, “Well, did you know that that’s how we all get work done?” So email is a very real part of all of our lives, and I don’t believe it’s a bad thing if we remember that we can’t see each other. You think, “Of course I know that.” Right, but think about it in the words you put in. You know what your heart is saying, you know what your tone is, you know what you’re feeling, and so you’re assuming that’s coming out in the words you’re typing onto the screen and it’s not. You’ve got to put some extra effort in there to actually describing your feelings: “Elizabeth, I want you to know I’m really excited about the project you’re on, but I’m concerned that there’s no way we’re going to hit this deadline. Let me clarify for you why we’re concerned.” The point I’m making is that you’ve got to overcommunicate in email so that the person knows what your true intent is. I think it’s important to put intent, just like I do in a live conversation, up front in the email. Say, “Hey, I want to share some information with you. I know we can’t meet face-to-face for a week, so I thought I’d go ahead and email you. I want you to know my only intent is to make sure we’re all clear on the…”. I’m making up these situations.
I like to start things with intent, I like to close it with intent. Nice bookends. At the end of an email, I will say something like, “I understand email is not always the best form of communication. If I’ve said anything in this email that is offensive, or that you’re maybe raising an eyebrow on or could be taken the wrong way, please let’s make sure to talk about it because my only intent is to see that we address the problem correctly or that we get the project in on time, or whatever the topic is.
Build or rebuild relationships
There’s the notion that face-to-face is always better than email. I’ve found that not to be true. When I’m working with people who are trying to build or rebuild a relationship, depending on the emotions of the different people involved, sometimes it’s much wiser to send an email first. If I’m working with a person and they tend to overreact pretty quickly, I won’t get three words out before they cut me off, and say, “No, that’s not true because this and this…”. Well, they can’t cut me off if I send an email. So I will send an email that I’ve had the time to put even sometimes an hour of thought into. Reread it. Have somebody else read it. Make sure that my intentions and emotions come through. It gives them time to digest it, to react to it without anybody being there, and then we meet live on it.
I’ll coach people sometimes and they’ll say to me, “Wouldn’t it be better for us to meet face-to-face?” I’ll say, “You know what, in this situation I would send her an email. And I’m happy to review the email first, but let him or her know what your concerns are, what your thoughts are, why your feelings are hurt, or why you’re worried about such and such.” That’ll give them time to process it while you’re not in front of them and they’re feeling like they have to come up with a response right away.
Yes, email can be really damaging if we don’t put careful thought and consideration into making sure that the tone and our intent is really clarified. It can also be very useful when someone has a tendency to react quickly to what they’re hearing.