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Accept painful emotions
When it comes to emotional well-being, we need to think about first, how do we deal with painful emotions? And second, how do we cultivate pleasurable ones?
When it comes to painful emotions, they are an inevitable part of any life, including a happy life. And it turns out that when we reject or try to reject painful emotions, any and all of them, we pay a very high price. Because these emotions only go and intensify, they grow stronger. And paradoxically, when we embrace, when we accept painful emotions, they don’t overstay their welcome.
Cultivate pleasurable emotions
So accepting and embracing painful emotions is critical, is important for well-being. Once we accept painful emotions, how do we then cultivate pleasurable ones? I want to focus here specifically on the emotion of gratitude.
Now my favorite word in English is the word “appreciate.” The word appreciate has two meanings. The first meaning of the word appreciate is to say thank you for something. And that’s a nice thing to do, even a moral thing to do. Now, Cicero talked about gratitude as the mother of all virtues. It’s a good thing to appreciate rather than to take for granted. But there is a second meaning to the word appreciate, and that is to grow in value.
Now, these two meanings of the word appreciate, gratitude and growth, are actually intimately linked. Why? How? Because when we appreciate the good, the good appreciates. When we appreciate the good in our life, in our work, in our home, in ourselves, it appreciates, we have more of it. Unfortunately, the opposite is also the case. When we take the good in ourselves, in our relationships, in our organizations, in the world for granted, the good depreciates and we have less of it.
So why not appreciate more? Why not grow the good in your life, at home, at work? How? Introduce a ritual. We do this as a family around the dinner table once a week, where we go around each one.
And when we’re with my parents, from grandparents to young children. Each one saying, what am I grateful for that happened this week. It’s a wonderful way to start a meal. And it contributes to overall well-being, not just in the here and now, but generally throughout the week.
Or maybe by yourself with your partner just before going to bed, write down three or five good things that happened to you during the day or in your life. And it’s okay to repeat yourself. It just means that these are really good things and you’re grateful for them.
In 2003, a study came out on gratitude journaling. It was by Robert Emmons and Mike McCullough. And what they showed was that people who keep a gratitude journal, who at night write, say five things for which they’re grateful, are not just happier, they are also more optimistic, more successful, more likely to achieve their goals, kinder, more generous, and they’re physically healthier. Now, it turns out that this also has an impact in the workplace.
So research by Teresa Amabile on the progress principle shows that employees who at the end of the day, think about, reflect on one thing that they made progress on — those employees’ job satisfaction goes up, they’re more productive and they are more creative as a result of focusing on wins, even if they are small. Encourage your colleagues to do the same.
Now, what if in your organization you could, at the end of the week, go around the table and each one just talks about one thing that they made progress on, or one thing that they were grateful for that happened during the week.
For wherever you are and whenever you are, when you appreciate the good, the good appreciates.