Amazon Will Now Rent Grazing Goats to Clear Your Property

Today in “okay, sure” news, retail giant Amazon is ready to prove correct everyone who has ever gaped in wonder and said, “Wow, you can get anything from Amazon.” Here’s Kai Ryssdal of Marketplace explaining the company’s newest and perhaps zaniest product offering:

“[Amazon’s] got a newish product called Home Services, which is kind of a catch-all for various and sundry things — television wall mounting, virus and spyware removal, plumbing, and also, apparently, lawn care.

And not just any lawn care; they’re offering a goat-grazing service.

Straight from the goat’s mouth: ‘You’ll receive a recommendation for how many goats will be loaned to you, how long those goats will keep you company, and how often a pro will come check on them.'”

Unfortunately the service is not yet available in my area:

But hey, they’re still in beta. You might have better luck by visiting here.

That page relays all the basics. For example, did you know goats will eat almost anything? Included in “almost anything” are various forms of vegetation we humans tend not to be fond of: “thistle, blackberry, English Ivy, kudzu, poison ivy, poison sumac, poison oak, wisteria, various grasses, and more.” Why try and clear poison ivy by yourself and end up in the ER when you can just hire a fleet of impervious goats to do the job instead?

All you have to do is set up an appointment to get your property assessed by someone — I’m going to assume their job title is “Certified Goat Specialist” — who will determine how many new goat friends you’ll need to do away with your unwanted greens. As a bonus, you get to keep any of the presents left behind by your 100 percent organic lawnmowers. It’s good fertilizer, I’m told.

As Ryssdal mentioned in the quote above, goat grazing is part of Amazon’s attempt to get into the Home Services business. Basically if you’ve ever hired a window-repair specialist or a cleaning company to service your house or apartment, Amazon is prepared to stand nearby and wave its arms frantically to try and get your attention. It’s somewhat similar to how it launched its own imitation Groupon service and imitation Peapod service. Amazon likes to stick its fingers in as many cookie jars as possible, and why shouldn’t it? It can pull it off. Maybe Jeff Bezos will have the goats delivered by drones? At this point, I wouldn’t put it past him.

As Amazon continues its surging campaign to become the one-stop-shop yellow pages of the internet, we should probably expect it to pursue similar offbeat services in the future. That’s good news for people who like buying things from Amazon. It’s probably bad news for localized small business owners who specialize in things like animal-based grazing services. Sorry folks — looks like Amazon’s aiming to get your goat.