The Prophet of Bayside

During my last trip to San Francisco, I reported on my discovery of a woman who receives messages from God in his actual handwriting. I’m amused to report that I’ve just found out about another holy prophet I thought I’d share with you all, and this one is a local!

Her name is Veronica Lueken, and she lived in Bayside, Queens, not far from where I live now. Although most of her prophetic activity took place in the late 70s and early 80s, and she died in the 90s, she still has a cadre of devoted followers, despite the fact that some of her predictions now seem just a touch out of date.

Lueken’s messages were specific to the Roman Catholic church, not the Greek Orthodox church as Vassula Ryden’s were. You’d think that all the various people channeling the true words of the Lord would be able to get together and agree on which religion is the true one, but apparently not. But one thing these prophets do have in common is that they can go on and on and on. In Lueken’s case, her cumulative output takes the form of over 400 “Directives from Heaven”, each one explaining what God thinks about various subjects. The titles run from the banal (“Wisdom”, “The Poor”) to the more esoteric (“Blood Will Flow Through the Streets”).

Although she doesn’t have samples of God’s handwriting, Lueken has something even more hilarious: quotes attributed directly to Jesus, the Virgin Mary, and various saints, complete with the exact dates they were spoken. And judging by some of the revelations, Jesus woke up on the wrong side of the bed the day he dictated them:

“Already We hear you clamor for the ordination of woman. No woman shall stand in My House to represent Me! How dare you bring in this heresy to My House! I shall go among you and I shall sling you out from My temples!” Jesus, December 27, 1975

Interestingly, despite her Catholic background, Lueken held to a typical evangelical end-times scenario, complete with Rapture, Antichrist and the like. Her one great prophetic innovation was the prediction of a comet (which she dubbed the “Ball of Redemption“, no doubt sensing the marketing power of good framing) which was heralded to strike New York City sometime during or after World War III. Sadly, there’s no indication of timing, other than a message from Jesus dated June 18, 1986, saying that these catastrophes would “no longer be delayed”.

Given the obvious correctness of this information, I’m sure you’re eager to hear some of the other divine wisdom conveyed through Veronica Lueken, and I’m happy to oblige. First of all, test-tube babies have no souls:

“We will not have test-tube babies, for they are not born with a soul. They can only, then, be called a ‘thing,’ a ‘creature’ unknown. Is this what you want, My children?” Jesus, June 6, 1987

Also, when women work outside the home, God punishes them by turning their husbands gay:

“Since women have exchanged their roles as women, preferring to be as men, and have abandoned their true, true value of life–have abandoned their role as a mother to carry the creation of their God within their wombs. They, therefore, will also find that their husbands and sons will find rejection of women, and men will seek lustfully pleasures with men, known, My child, as homosexuality.” Our Lady, September 28, 1974

In the historical trivia department, you’ll be bemused to discover that Pope Paul VI was drugged and secretly replaced with a body double:

“The appearance in public is not Paul VI; it is the impostor pope. Medication of evil has dulled the brain of the true pope, Pope Paul VI. They send into his veins poison to dull his reasoning and paralyze his legs. What evil creature have you opened the doors to the Eternal City and admitted?” Our Lady, September 27, 1975

Last but not least, some vital information on the little-known baby-sacrificing witch covens of Long Island:

“The island of Long Island, within a sixty mile radius, has thirteen covens now. Yes, My child, they are the worst of the worst, for they sacrifice the innocent babies, and they also are using animals again. Many dead carcasses shall be found on the beaches and in the woods.” Our Lady, November 1, 1985

And because I know you’re just dying to find out what Jesus and the Virgin Mary think of us, here’s a bonus excerpt from the “Atheists and Unbelievers” directive:

“You must understand, the heart of the atheist is closed to mercy and goodness. A darkened soul has shut out the light. And they seek nothing but the destruction of any man, woman, or child who stands in their way, to assume and gain through hatred and deception among families, and also the ruination of the lives of the children of all families.” Our Lady, October 5, 1985

Curses, found out! And we would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn’t for that meddling Virgin Mary!

Sadly, like other prophets without honor in their own countries, Lueken never found official church acceptance of her visions. This was probably less because of the apocalypticism than because of the whole impostor-pope-Vatican-conspiracy thing, which seems to have displeased the local bishop. In spite of that, Lueken’s shrine has the usual crop of miracle claims to boast from among the faithful. For an atheist, of course, this isn’t a problem: it’s just one more example of the conflicting miracles that always proliferate among differing religions. But shouldn’t a Christian have to worry that these are genuine revelations that are being overlooked?

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