Let Your Audience Know They’re Not Alone

Practice Servant Leadership: Let Your Audience Know They’re Not Alone, with Lisa Lampanelli, Comedian

It’s funny, I became acquainted with the concept of servant leadership really recently. But I read that it’s been around since the ‘70s. Which of course, I didn’t know because, guess why? I was too concerned with myself to figure it out. Now having heard the term, I get it. It’s when I am up on that stage for comedy. Instead of thinking about me, I’m thinking about them. It’s for them to see that they’re not alone. So every joke I have, I want them to see, oh, guess what? Me too, me too. I want people to always say, oh my god, she went through that too? And she’s still on the stage? And she can still talk about it?

How to Pick the Right Story for Your Audience

My advice on picking a story is something where yes, you have to know your audience. You can’t worry about every single person. But just know your dynamic in general. You know, know the group dynamic and how to sort of aim for it. What I usually do is try to say, does this story have impact of a spiritual nature without being too overly preachy? Is it going to impact them emotionally? Is it going to resonate with them rationally? I mean, every level needs to be sort of heightened when they’re listening to you so they could be like alive inside.

So I think the way to do it is kind of go, OK, this is my core audience. I know their limits. What are my limits in relation to that? And let me put together a story that, ooh, they’ll really get that. They’ll really love that.

How to Pick the Right Story from Your Point of View

I always think, what is it about me that I know for sure that’s different, and a little different take than anyone else has, at least in my immediate environment, that I think is unique to me? And it’s something that has stuck with you maybe over the years. Or a message that you’ve remembered that you heard 20 years ago, but it still drives you forward.

Writing down what still brings you joy. Think back to when you were 12. What from ages 10 to 12 really drove you? What made you happy back then? What’s your purpose now? For me, talking about purpose is huge because purpose wasn’t making money. Purpose wasn’t fame. Purpose wasn’t, oh, let me have two houses, or whatever. Purpose was, OK, what was it really? OK, it was about getting people to respond and me feeling connected to them. So I think it’s like getting back to your purpose, getting back to the joy, getting back to what lights you up.

I have seen speakers tell the same story for 20 years, and it still lights them up. So unless you can have this when you’re talking about it, it’s not the right story. So I think that’s where you have to start, something that you go, oh, I remember this. If you’re leaning forward when you’re telling it, that’s the story to tell.

How to Find Your Voice in Terms of Style

When writing a joke or a bit, you shouldn’t follow any kind of rules like, oh, use k sounds all the time because k’s are funny. Like, it’s funnier to say Cadillac, than Datsun. You know, yes, for some reason it is funnier to say Cadillac than Datsun. But I don’t know why. The three beat rule is always good. You know, everything should have three beats. Like, she said this and then that, and then that. It builds. You know, there’s a build. Builds are good.

But I think it’s more finding your voice. It’s more listening to yourself in real life, how you talk when you’re with your friends. Call it kitchen table conversation, call it whatever it is. But how do you talk? And when you see people really leaning forward and engaged with you, that’s sort of how you should develop your style.

There are comics out there whose styles are so wild, and I go, oh, my god, does he really talk that way? And he does, really disjointed and crazy. And you go, that’s really cool. He wouldn’t have found that if he followed rules. You have to listen to yourself, listen when you’re talking to people and go, oh, they seem really engaged. That’s how my speech, or that’s how my joke in my act or my story should go.

How to Find Your Voice in Terms of Material

My bits and my comedy usually come from something that I get angry or pissed off or impassioned about. I had a comedy teacher early on before I started, he said, write a list of 50 things you love and 50 things you hate. And he didn’t say like and dislike, he said love and hate. Because strong emotion fuels comedy. It makes it good. So I always now even think, oh, if somebody makes me really angry, I’m going to talk about that. I don’t know how, but I’m going to get on that stage and I’m going to rant and rave about it and something funny is going to come out. And I notice, if I have a fight with somebody right before I go onstage, I’m like way funnier. It’s just that heightened passion gets me in the zone.

So I think it always starts with the heart and goes outward. It can’t be the material first. But it has to be a story that does relate to the subject matter at hand. It can’t be like, hey, I’ve always been told to start with a joke, so here’s one. That’s the old school way. That’s the Toastmasters old school way of doing things.

I think that people start with something from the heart, like I do with comedy, it eventually ends up to be entertaining. It takes people in and lets you know you’re all in it together. Because that’s the whole goal of a speech anyway, comedy or speech, is that you’re in the same room. You’re in this pursuit of the same thing together. In a comedy show it’s the pursuit of forgetting our troubles for an hour and a half. For whatever group that is hearing a speech, it’s that we’re all in this to make this company better or to motivate our workforce more.

So I think it all has to come from inside first. And that’s going to take a lot of trial and error. There’s a lot of blunders on the way. And it does soften up a lesson a lot.